this LOVE is KILLING ME, but YOU'RE the ONLY ONE.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

i do LOVE you. {/ 8:50 AM }

In The Past 24 Hours

1. Talked to a cute boy/girl?
-- yup.

3. Talked to an ex?
-- oo, c pachot.. ex ko na sia ngayon e. wawa :(

4. Miss someone?
-- super.

-Last Person Who-

5. Laid in bed with you?
-- chot, napahiga ako sa inis. tas nagusap kami ng nkahiga haha. ok pala un, walang eye contact. mas madali magsalita.

6. Last person made you cry?
-- chot, haay..

7. Went to the movies with ?
-- cousins.

8. Went to the mall with?
-- angel and adrian.

10. Made you laugh?
-- chot, bago nia ko paiyakin. hehe.

11. Said they love you?
-- chot pa din, at last iloveyou na cguro nia un.

18. What are you most scared of?
-- sa ngayon, ung di mapanindigan ung decision ko.

21. Does anyone like you?
-- cguro nman. hehe.

22. Do you like being around people?
-- depende sa tao. hehe.

23. Have you cried recently?
-- yupyup. mula pa yesterday. :'(

24. Are you lonely right now?
-- super.

25. Song stuck in your head?
-- i'll be okay by amanda marshall. gusto ko magemote e.

26. Have you been on radio/tv?
-- yup.

28. Ever liked someone who treated you
like crap?
-- oo. pero basta... d nman cguro crap. unimportant lang. hehe, gnun din :)

31. What time is it?
-- 8:57am

32. How much cash do you have on you
right now?
-- secret hehe.

33. Whats your favorite food?
-- ice cream :)

35. Who got you to join MySpace?
-- ewan na..

36. Can you lay in your bed all day?
-- dati, basta ksma ko chot tas kwentuhan lng bout anything.. haay.. ngayon, magisa at nagmumukmok.. wawa..

37. Wish someone was next to you in the
morning when you wake up?
-- oo nman...

38. What web site do you visit the
most?
-- friendster. blog ko. multiply ko.

39. Do you know someone's email account password?
-- oo, k chot lang. hehe.

40. First thing you did when you woke up today?
-- nagisip n nman. nalungkot. continued crying.. hehe joke. :) prayed for strength. haha, pero seryoso ah.

Friday, January 25, 2008

i do LOVE you. {/ 4:32 PM }

OVER.

today, i can officially say that its over.

nagpunta sia today dito. dapat after lunch pa un e. ewan. pumunta sia agad ng mga 11:30. tas un. grabe, usap sandali tas nonsense. tas bglang uwi na daw sia ng 12:15. ang great nia talaga.

edi un. since 12 na un. sabi ko magusap na kami dahil aalis na sia. so un, akyat na kami sa room. tas un. dko alam nung una kung pano ko isastart e. basta un. i told him na it has to end na dahil wla naman na ngyayari sa relationship namin (kung relationship nga na matatawag un).

so un, nasabi ko na. hindi nia xe napapansin na minsan sobrang mean n nia sken dhil lang nappressure sia. so un, i ended it. ang labo lang xe ayaw daw nia. tas sabi pa nia, decision ko lang daw un. CYCLE n nmn, arrg. lageng ganun un e. tuwing mkkpgbreak ako, laging di sia papayag. haaay..

tas un, i told him that we can't be friends anymore. tas ayaw nia. tas bakit daw. arrg. tas di ko maexplain. basta un. tas wag nmn daw. bale wala n daw ba ung pinagsamahan nmen. haaay. di nia magets e.

tas ni-HUG nia ko. ayaw daw nia. tas naiyak ako lalo. ang hirap talga ng process of breaking up. haha. tas un, i HUGGED him din ng super tight and i told him na im gonna miss him.

after that, wala he stayed pa muna. pero wala lang kwentuhan. xe parang i told him not to text me na and stuff. kya parang last day na tlaga nmen together. kaya un.

tas bsta ewan kung panu ngyari. we KISSED. arrg. ang stupid ko talaga. ewan ko ba. pero ok lang. last naman na e. haha. shet. i know nman what he's trying to do. wla lng. pero same pa din. di na kami together talaga. he went home ng mga 3pm yata.

so un. basta. ang gulo. basta ang pangit nung end. cguro xe i never thought na may ending kami. haaay. pero wala na e. thankful na lng din ako dahil i met him and we had fun naman talaga.

ayoko na magpakabitter. haha. no doubt nman na we loved each other. basta. ok na un. kung anu man ang mangyari sa future, bahala na.

i still have school nman. dun ko nlng ibbgay lhat ng time at effort ko. haha :)

Monday, January 14, 2008

i do LOVE you. {/ 9:38 PM }

panindigan.

haaay.. pinasok ko to kya dapat kong panindigan. haha :)

ok, sooo... di masyadong ok nung morning. haha, nice start noh? wla e. gnun tlga. tiis. hehe :)

lunch. ate sa jollibee with jp and nica. napikon pko k nica nun.

after lunch, nabad trip uli. niyaya ko nlng bumaba c jun2. punta kme ng fiorge tas kwentuhan sa 2nd floor. hehe :) nica joined us din.

after that.. nagtxt na. ok na uli ako. haha. masaya KAMI. :) napangiti n uli nia ko :)

stayed til 6pm xe overtime ung class. tas un, kulitan lng with the guys. hehe. pinagtatawanan nila ung comment ko k jp. nilalaro xe nia ung toblerone n nagmelt. tas sbi ko bka sumakit tyan nia, hehe. para daw akong hndi med student mag-isip. haha :)

so un.. ok na sana, masaya na ang lahat....

nung uwian na, i txted someone. tas un. nagsimula na an kabadtripan. haaay.

parang walang gana. bakit kaya gnun? parang tanga. tas un, i wanted to call him. tas later nlng daw xe nkikinig sia sa radio ng phone nia. arrrg. ang galing galing nia. tas nung nagtatampo nko, 'ayan ka na naman'. yan lang ang nasabi nia. arrg.

pero i still called him. TANGA nga kasi. hehe. tas un, ang saya kausap. walang gana. tas lahat na pagkatapos nun, disaster.

kelan ba mgiging maayos? bakit ganun? haaay... panindigan. un nlng. panindigan hanggang kaya. MAHAL ko e. shett. haha :)

Saturday, January 12, 2008

i do LOVE you. {/ 1:15 PM }

katangahan.

kung meron mang perfect example ng word na to.. AKO un. haha. shett.

oo inaamin ko. ang tanga ko. haha. we TALKED na. and it went GOOD, for HIM. grabe. sobrang idol ko tong guy na to. he made it look na it was all my fault.

"Hindi kita sinisisi. sinasabi ko lang ung consequence ng ginawa mo. lalong gumulo."

haha, di nia tlga ko sinisisi noh? NICE.

oh well. sige. he EXPLAINED his side. sinabi nia kung ano ang gusto niang mangyari. and it was all upto me. e hello? BKIT AKO? para ano un? Para if it doesn't work out, ako n nman ung masisisi na pumayag ako with it. haaay :(

so un, di ako pumayag. i WALKED OUT. i texted him na its better if we DON'T COMMUNICATE with each other na. para easier dba? pero d na nman sia pumayag.

i asked him,

"Ano ba ginawa ko sa'yo to deserve all this?"

tas he answered,

"WALA, pressured lang ako."

sige, pagpasensyahan. sia lang kasi ang may pressure sa mundong ito. haha. oh well. how can he be so selfish. were talking about US, pero lahat ng sinasabi nia.. its all about HIM.

tas he said tinatamad na sia and that he was sad, basta. so un, i asked him kung pumayag bko with what he likes, at di nako pasok sa afternoon class ko, kung sasama ba sia sken so that we can talk more. tas biglang may aayusin daw sia. wtf?!!! here we go again with his reasons. tas nageexplain n nmn sia. whatev.

so there, i went home. wala na kong gana after that e. so i asked him again. if he's coming or not. tas hindi daw. nkakabanas.

"grbe,, salamat ah. NOW WERE DONE. i just hope you're happy.."

"...... Parati yan cnasbi m"

nice answer noh? haha. ang galing nia talga. kaya na nia ko mawala pero everytime i ask him, hindi naman daw.

nasan na kaya ung guy na nagsabi sken na... please wag mo kong iwan, di ko kayang mawala ka.. mahal talaga kita.

ung guy na nagsabing.. andito lang ako, walang iwanan.

he's long gone.. haha. pero... im still inLOVE with him. even when he's all different now. ibang-iba na talaga sia. pero ganun e.. sbi nga dun sa song na its not over... THIS LOVE IS KILLING ME, BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE..

and then, STUPIDITY came to me. AGAIN. haha.

i called him. he asked me if i was home already. i asked him to text me when he gets home para i can call him. ang tanga ko dba?

so un, he texted me. and i called. alam ko ang stupid tlga. pero di ko kaya na mawala sia. i really can't right now.

soooo. i told him that. na ok na ko with what he wants. shett, never felt lower in my life. pero un e, ganun e. TANGA kasi. haha :) kaya kahit anong gawin nia sa kin, andito pa din ako.

i don't know if we'll be okay. i did something to upset him na naman kahapon. i'll know on monday :( if he gets mad, wala naman ako magagawa. it was an accident.

ONE MORE THING. after the conversation, may nakita ako. basta dun. at sobrang nakakainis xe kahit na alam kong di sia ung gumawa nun, wala na naman sia magagawa to change that. pero he should. im gonna ask him to. ayokong makita un ng ganun. ang sakit. parang IN YOUR FACE. shett. pag di nia ginawa I'LL DO IT MYSELF. i swear.

ang sama ko na. what's happening to me? haha.

natawa tuloy ako sa text ni cinds.. "crazy. ayos ayos ate". haha. maayos naman ako ah :)

angel went here din sa bahay. to talk to me lang. for me to stop what im doing. at nkailang batok sia sa kin ah :) pero sadly, di pa rin ako nagising. haha.

i was drunk pala din last night. haha. im not myself talaga. im not the kind of person who gets drunk. i swear. good girl ako. haha. i don't like alcohol, i just like its effects :)

kaya lang nahuli ako ng mom ko e. haha. so un, sermon. kaya lang di ko n naaalala. buti nlng nkainom ako nun haha :)

haaaaaaaaaayyyy :( my life sucks. pero sana talaga, everything's gonna be okay on monday. THINK POSITIVE. haha. kahit anu pa mangyari. ITS NOT OVER.

i do LOVE you. {/ 1:05 PM }

I'll be okay- Amanda Marshall

It's time to let you go
It's time to say goodbye
There's no more excuses
NO MORE TEARS TO CRY

There's been so many changes
I was so confused
ALL ALONG YOU WERE THE ONE
All the time I never knew

I want you to be happy
You're my best friend
But IT'S SO HARD TO LET YOU GO NOW
All that could have been
I'LL ALWAYS HAVE THE MEMORY
SHE'LL ALWAYS HAVE YOU
Fate has a way of changing
Just when you don't want it to

[Chorus]

Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Till love comes again
I'LL BE OKAY

Life passes so quickly
You gotta take the time
Or you'll miss what really matters
You'll miss all the signs
I've spent my life searching
For what was always there
Sometimes it will be too late
Sometimes it won't be fair

[Chorus]

I won't give up
I won't give in
I can't recreate what just might have been
I know that my heart will find love again
Now is the time to begin

[Chorus]

I can't hold on forever baby
I'll be okay

Saturday, January 05, 2008

i do LOVE you. {/ 1:15 PM }

:'(

i hate how i feel :(

khit na sobrang inanticipate ko ang sadness na im supposed to feel nitong mga holidays.. i can't help it. nasasaktan pa din tlga ako.

para sa isang tao... gusto ko lng malaman mo...

i hate our situation. i just hate it. at kahit na lahat na ng friends ko ang nagsasabi na tigilan ka na.. andito pa din ako. letting you hurt me more..

sa totoo lang.. i wanna give up. i wanna give u up. baka sakaling mawala din ung pain kapag ginawa ko un. pero i can't. dahil ayaw mo. at ang tanga ko kasi sinusunod ko pa din ung gusto mo. hanggang kelan ba ganito?

minsan naiisip ko.. kaya ko naman e. basta wag ka na magpaparamdam ever. sana nga pwede un. siguro naka-move on nko ngayon kung ganun. haaay :(

at para naman sa kin...

sana ang new year's resolution mo ay maging mas matapang.. hehe.. dahil sabi nga ni cinds.. mas madami pang mangyayari na mas masakit.. at kung hindi mo na kaya.. may choice ka.. pwede mong i-stop na.. only you can protect yourself from the pain na mararamdaman mo pa lang...

hahaha :P para akong baliw. kinausap ang sarili. oh well. sana sana kayanin ko ang mga mngyayari this year. at alam ko... madami yun. hehe :)